Tag Archives: Illness

Life is a lemon and I want my money back

It’s getting crowded in here with all these cheesy song titles isn’t it?
Feel I need to get a few things off my chest tonight, maybe I’ll feel better after I’ve blurted into the bloggosphere for a little bit…..You’ve guessed it, I’m feeling sorry for myself again!
Today was an enjoyable day for the most part. I took my brother with me to deliver some of mum and dads produce to a customer in Norwich – a big day out to The Fine City. It was good, we sat and had lunch, we chatted and had a laugh. We went window shopping for things we cant afford. I bought some small gifts for my nephew and nieces. Yes it was enjoyable. My brother and I don’t get a chance to relax and just enjoy each others company much anymore, which is sad. I got to feeling sad and thinking about life.

It’s sad that my parents have striven all their adult lives to be good people, be good parents and be good grandparents, providing all, protecting, nurturing, not just us as a family but many other people too (in my fathers case too many people to count) – only to be slowly destroyed by what they thought would be a dream life and retirement. They’ve got royally screwed by too many people and institutions to mention.

It’s sad that I have tried to follow suit and at least be as good a person I could – and got royally screwed by life.
There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or happy ever after for me or it seems for my parents.
We are all worn out and broken people.

I got the bill from my mechanic for getting my car through its MOT tonight. It was over £300. I simply do not have that kind of money. I live on Incapacity Benefit and recently Income Support, a grand total of £93.45 a week and the hand outs of my parents. I have no savings.
My parents used to pay for my car and the cost of its running. But they have no money now either and I have no right to ask them to pay £300 with money they don’t have.

How did we get into such a mess?!

I am slowly turning into something I dread. A bitter twisted shadow of what I could have been if things had worked out differently.
Everywhere I look, everything I watch, all that I read shows me darkness triumphing over light. The bad and outright evil wallowing in their misgotten gains. The poor and weak being squashed into dust, people fighting to do good being killed, discredited or destroyed. The light seems to be getting fainter all the time……

I am truly sorry folks, this doesn’t make happy reading, Hopefully I can, as I have a million times before, pick myself up again onto all fours and crawl on!

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Dialysis, Delhi Belly and Damn it all

Apologies for no recent updates, unfortunately for me I have been rather ill this last fortnight with what is now assumed as food poisoning from a tasty but rather dodgy chicken jalfrazi, which seems to in turn have set of a Gall bladder episode. I don’t mean to be too graphic but haemodialysis with epic bum-wee is not a good combination and potentially very embarrassing as well as dangerous. In all it was a week that I would like to well and truly put behind me (!). Seems I have Gall stones as well so they are looking at whipping my gall bladder out soon too. Fantastic. I’m suprised its still there actually along with my other internal organs – I was quite sure I had passed them all out my bum at one stage.

The bad news is that this episode seems to have hammered the final nail in my kidney graft which while I needed dialysis was still functioning enough for me to keep to a pretty normal diet and my fluid restriction will probably now go from 1000ml to 500ml a day – a little under a pint in old money. This in turn is going to make it harder for me to continue to have much of a social life unless I want to sit there with my arms folded while everyone else necks pint after pint.

All this has meant that I have obviously had to stay away from the Papworth Trust for 2 weeks which was annoying – and unfortunately it has become apparent that my parents business needs me to help out as much as I physically can (not much I grant) as it is struggling thanks to those ever so nice, generous, bailed-out Banks screwing them over, so it looks like I will have to stop volunteering at the trust for at least the time being as my family and I pull together to keep the roof over our heads.

All that together with the fact that I’m lonely as hell right now means I’m a wee bit pissed off with life in general at the mo.