Category Archives: Money Issues

It’s been a while….!

Firstly apologies for no updates for so long. Life has been….interesting!
So we’ve brought a New Year in, bringing with it a realization that I’ve been on my own now for nearly a decade! Sad to think that for one reason or another but mainly to do with health and self image I have taken myself off the market for so long. Seems like the blink of an eye! One thing I have promised this year is that I’m not going to be so hard on myself, it is after all not my fault that I have renal failure and have had since the early nineties, people can either accept that or not – I no longer care.

Hi Ho It’s off to work I go…or not

It was about November last year after our beloved new government set out plans to reform the benefits system and get people back to work that I decided that I would like to at least try and get back into work. I have no idea if I will cope or not but I will be letting myself down if I didn’t give it a try. After a few failed applications I wrote to my MP asking for advice for someone like me. Someone with a life threatening illness who has been out of work for a long while. She kindly wrote back suggesting the Shaw Trust and wishing me luck. The Trust specializes in getting people on Incapacity benefit and people out of work long term back into employment and can supply training to that effect. Apparently.
I signed up to the Trust on the Pathways to Work Scheme only to find on my second visit that they were having their funding pulled and my adviser had been given her redundancy! No training will be available and as of the end of March I will be signed off from them. Bloody Marvelous.
So I’m on my own again trying to apply for work in a time where every job is hotly competed for!

To Date or Not to Date….
Now back to dating briefly! I have been experimenting with dating sites and actually managed to arrange a date with someone recently. There were a few obstacles, such as I live in Norfolk and she lives in London…. but I thought to hell with it lets give it a go! I caught the train down to Kings Cross where I met up with my date. We seemed to hit it off quite quickly and went to the Natural History Museum and saw the Wildlife Photographer of the year exhibition, then on to the Victoria and Albert Museum. I have to say it was a very enjoyable day but it turned out my date had some very serious issues of her own which when I was brutally honest with myself made me come to the realization that added to my messed up life it would be too much for either of us to take on. If you ever read this Beena, then I apologize and hope you understand…!
Unfortunately the offer I had on that site has expired and I cant afford to continue with it, which is a shame because it was a format that I quite got on with. Ah well! Will have to stick to the free ones!

Swimming and Gymming..!
I made a sort of New Years Resolution with a difference this year. Normally I don’t do resolutions but rather do something when I feel like it, but this year I have decided to try and get my weight down and be as active as my body will let me. I go to the gym 2 to 3 times a week now and swim 2 to 3 times a week. Now, when I talk about the gym, I’m actually on strict orders to do only light to moderate exercise so to a normal person it probably seems totally unworthwhile, but I have lost a lot of weight and have to say feel better in myself. All the machines I use are set to their easiest level but it still puts my pulse rate up high! I may have mentioned it earlier but although dialysis is a very effective treatment for kidney failure, it does take it out of you and can lead to muscle loss, the heart being the most important muscle! So it make sense to eat a good diet and exercise as best you can.
This Tuesday I have a Transplant Assessment at Addenbrookes to see if I am still a suitable candidate for a transplant. I am hoping they will be happy with me and that my ECG and chest x-ray don’t throw up any nasty suprises….

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Life is a lemon and I want my money back

It’s getting crowded in here with all these cheesy song titles isn’t it?
Feel I need to get a few things off my chest tonight, maybe I’ll feel better after I’ve blurted into the bloggosphere for a little bit…..You’ve guessed it, I’m feeling sorry for myself again!
Today was an enjoyable day for the most part. I took my brother with me to deliver some of mum and dads produce to a customer in Norwich – a big day out to The Fine City. It was good, we sat and had lunch, we chatted and had a laugh. We went window shopping for things we cant afford. I bought some small gifts for my nephew and nieces. Yes it was enjoyable. My brother and I don’t get a chance to relax and just enjoy each others company much anymore, which is sad. I got to feeling sad and thinking about life.

It’s sad that my parents have striven all their adult lives to be good people, be good parents and be good grandparents, providing all, protecting, nurturing, not just us as a family but many other people too (in my fathers case too many people to count) – only to be slowly destroyed by what they thought would be a dream life and retirement. They’ve got royally screwed by too many people and institutions to mention.

It’s sad that I have tried to follow suit and at least be as good a person I could – and got royally screwed by life.
There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or happy ever after for me or it seems for my parents.
We are all worn out and broken people.

I got the bill from my mechanic for getting my car through its MOT tonight. It was over £300. I simply do not have that kind of money. I live on Incapacity Benefit and recently Income Support, a grand total of £93.45 a week and the hand outs of my parents. I have no savings.
My parents used to pay for my car and the cost of its running. But they have no money now either and I have no right to ask them to pay £300 with money they don’t have.

How did we get into such a mess?!

I am slowly turning into something I dread. A bitter twisted shadow of what I could have been if things had worked out differently.
Everywhere I look, everything I watch, all that I read shows me darkness triumphing over light. The bad and outright evil wallowing in their misgotten gains. The poor and weak being squashed into dust, people fighting to do good being killed, discredited or destroyed. The light seems to be getting fainter all the time……

I am truly sorry folks, this doesn’t make happy reading, Hopefully I can, as I have a million times before, pick myself up again onto all fours and crawl on!