A New Start

Well with the new year comes some fantastic news, I got the call!
At 5:30am on the 18th Dec in fact. The voice of the transplant coordinator calmly informing me that they may have a kidney for me and to make my way in asap.  The best news possible for a kidney patient while tinged with a sadness knowing someone  had passed away earlier who had signed the donor register for people like me.
I had started dialysis for the second time three years ago in September just passed and have been waiting on the list for roughly three years. I had gotten myself into such a daily habit that I’d nearly given up on the hope of one day returning to a relatively normal life.
In the end I was called up to theatre ahout 7am on the 19th, and I can only assume it went well as I woke up in the recovery room shortly to be moved back up to ward. Going for a pee… one of the things most take for granted…. I hadn’t peed in about two years, so it was a special moment when I finally went!

It still seems remarkable that they released me on Christmas day and I was able to celebrate with my family and friends…however in hindsight I should have taken it easy and stayed indoors over the following week as I was back in hospital with a tummy bug and missed new years eve! Still even that couldn’t dampen my spirits and im happy to say that even though it’s still early days I feel fantastic if a little sore.
I’d like to say thankyou to all who stood by me particularly my girlfriend, my family and my friends, and also the dialysis team at my local hospital the QE who put up with me!
Im now hopeful that I can live my life more under my terms and get outhere and enjoy what life brings

4 thoughts on “A New Start

  1. paul

    i dont even no how to restart my life. my kidneys started failing 5 years ago and they gave in last july.I started on dialysis then.. when i started my illness i was happy i found love true love. she helped me over 4 years we was so happy at time but when i was sick with infections we were low, but she was always there for me, i have to say she had kept me alive. but then last year we sat and talked she amitted she didnt love me and wanted to split up. i looked for a flat and moved in around a month later.i was so heartbroken i have to amitt i still in love with her. i sit and stay in tjhis flat day in and day out, except when on dialysis. i dont see or talk to anybody. i am lonely but dont know what to do. there r no frends they have all gone. i dont hear or c my familty. i wake at nights talking to her thinking she is there but then realise she isnt. this is the time i wish i didnt wake up. i cannot face the world anymore. What do u surgest i do

    1. duellingdialysis Post author

      Hello Paul, life on dialysis is challenging and sometimes extremely so. First things first I want you to know that there is support out there, you just have to reach out. Secondly, I empathize with you but I am not a qualified psychologist – so I apologize if my reply is clumsy.
      I went through some extremely tough times emotionally during dialysis and eventually combined with the support of others I realised that I had to take positive action for myself. Although I am sometimes a prideful person and hate admitting any weakness to myself or to others, I came to the conclusion that I did need help, so I did something positive – I went to my general doctor and I spoke to my Kidney team – together they recommended that I started anti depression pills. All the stigma surrounding anti depression medication often puts those who need it the most off the idea when in fact people like yourself, me and many others are exactly the sort of people that need that little “crutch” to lean on.
      I am still on anti depression pills to this day and together with a strong network of support I now lead a positive life. I humbly suggest that you look for help emotionally from your medical team – they will understand exactly how difficult things are for you and offer more qualified advice than I can.
      Also check out the social networks for kidney patients and kidney patient support – I guarantee you are not alone and there are others like me you can talk to.
      All the best Paul, keep in touch

    2. Brendan

      Hi Paul, so sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having. Kidney failure is tough, challenging, demanding and we are not exempt from all the other difficulties life throws at us too, like breaking up. My kidneys failed last year , I’m on dialysis (pd) and I know how difficult I have found it. If you add in the grief for a lost relationship and the practical difficulties of being on your own, then it’s easy to understand why you feel down. My best advice to you is to reach out for support. In the first instance, talk to your renal nurse/doc and ask to be refered to the renal psychologist – I have taken this step myself and I found it really helped. I also got involved with the kidney patients association at my hospital and that helped me meet new people and gave me some sense of purpose. I also highly recommend the Facebook group British kidney pt association – there are dozens of patients on there who regularly talk to each other, and I really found that helped. Neither kidney failure or relationship breakdown mean that yr life is over – in time, you will need to find ways to branch out, develop new friends and interests and reduce yr sense of isolation – I know that’s easier said than done but with the right help, and time, you can recover. All the best. Brendan

  2. Ali Brown

    You’ll be ok, Paul. Just keep communicating with those people who make you feel better every day and soon you’ll have a smile like those in the photo! Think of things that make you happy now. Dream and plan for when life gets a little easier, then you won’t have to waste another day. Let people help you and don’t feel guilty about receiving that help. If you feel that you need professional counselling, ask for it. Be good to yourself x


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