Hmmm, this is a toughy, and I’m hardly the expert as I’ve been single a long time now, but I thought I’d touch on it here as I’m pretty sure it’s going to come up on a frequent basis.
I’ve never been one for chatting the girls up, in fact if I did pluck up the courage to talk to a lady, my brain instantly stepped in and scuppered my chances as I turn into a gibbering mess. I like to call it “b*ll*ck-chops” – where you open your mouth and a load of b*ll*cks fall out.
And that was before my health went south. Before I thought I had issues, now I KNOW I have issues! I know the biggest hurdle with me being single and a dialysis patient is actually ME. I have got it into my head that no-one will want someone like me, someone who is penniless, weak, tired, emotional, still lives with his folks and suffers from gout. Not to mention the scars from previous operations. When I start thinking about that I feel I am doomed to a lonely existence.
Its a weird situation to be in and all to easy to give up, but I have always been a stubborn git and refuse to give up entirely on the hope that I’ll find someone. Granted that someone would have to be special, but that’s who I wanted in the first place!
I dabble on the internet dating, but its always difficult to know when to fit in that clanger that your really quite ill. Do you tell someone straight away or wait until they know you? The danger then is that they have invested in you and you have kept a prrrretty big secret – not a good start to a relationship. So far my honesty has met with no success, just a lot of well wishes. Which is lovely. If I wanted well wishes I’d send myself an e-card from Hallmark.
Maybe hypnotherapy is the way to go. If I could learn Hypnosis I could make someone fall for me. Only kidding – I meant me go and get hypnotised so I’m not so lacking in confidence. I wonder if that would work?
The thing is I know deep down that in a normal environment over a period of time I’m sure that most women wouldn’t care about me being a renal patient and that hopefully they would come to like me for who I am – It’s because I’ve taken such a battering over the last so many years that all confidence is gone and competence has eloped with it.
Anyway I’ll continue my merry rant on singledom another time as its 2:40 am and I need my beauty sleep.